I AINT FINNAH PLAY!

I went to the gym yesterday to run. As I was walking toward the treadmill, I was approached by this hefty hispanic guy named Joe who's in his late 30's. Lemme back it up before I continue.

About 2 months ago, I stepped onto the treadmill to run and this man pops up on the one next to me. He goes "Hey, nice to see you again!" I pull my earbuds out of my ears and look over. "I'm sorry?" I replied, "Do I know you?" He told me that he remembered me from a few weeks back when he said me and he heard me say my abs hurt. I was polite but told him I didn't remember that, but 'hello' anyways. Then I kept running.

When I got off the treadmill, he approached me with the whole "Oh hey, sorry if I scared you when I approached you-hope-i-didnt-offend-you thing." I smiled, said no problem, and moved in with my work-out. He approached me again while I was working my biceps and introduced himself. Now, I've made friends with a handful of guys and girls up at the gym, so it's not normally a thing, but this guy gave me the creep factor. I just had that feeling that he was talking to me because he thought I was attractive or he had a chance. No & No.

Since then, whenever I would go in the mornings & Joe (that's his name) would see me, he would be sure to say hello and make some lame conversation. Because I'm polite & not a total wuss, I would chat back briefly. During one of our last conversations (I've talked to the guy MAYBE 3 or 4 times with conversations that last less than 2 minutes), he asked me if I was married. Bingo. Ladies, that's a key sign that he's interested. Ew & Gross. I told him I've been married 7 years. Now, let's go back to yesterday...

I'm walking to the treadmill, and Creepy Joe approaches me. I keep walking and wave hi, thinking that may deter any annoying conversation. But no, he manages to hault me. He says, "Hey! I saw you in that class {points at the big glass walled room behind us} the other day but I didn't get a chance to come say hi before you left. When you're done running, come find me before you leave so we can talk."

Again, No & No. And gross. Gross that you saw me doing my Body Pump class...what were you doing, Creepy Joe? Looking for me?! Where is my pepper spray?.........

So, I kinda do an "uh, ok" and then keep walking to my treadmill. I run for 30 minutes and right as I'm stepping off, my BFF calls me up. I'm doing an inner "Thank the Lord", thinking that this phone call might get me off the hook from Creepy Joe trying to "have his talk" with me, although I already made my mind up anyway that I would NOT infact be talking to him after my run as he had asked me to. So, I went and sat on a bench to catch my breath while listening to my BFF share her dilemma with me. I saw him walking around, glimpsing at me, so I decided to avoid eye contact in hopes that he'd just give up.

I stared at the floor while we chatted, and soon enough I saw a chunky shadow of a man pass by and go out the exit door. Well, my peripheral view is broken, because just when I thought it was safe and looked up, there CJ was...straight ahead, 10 feet away, looking at me. He comes walking up, hands me a little white note folded up, whispers for me to read it, smiles/winks, walks out. And this is why I'm a beast ~

I tell BFF to hold on, and told her Stalker just handed me a note & I opened it immediately. Just as I'd suspected, inside it says "Joe # (whatever number) Call me or text anytime ;) "

I ain't finnah play. I got right up, phone still to ear, and walked out looking for him. I saw him, sticking his head in the nursery (my son & one other kid were the only ones in there & he doesnt have kids that age, which is weird). I stood right behind him and called his name twice. The second time, he turned and looked at me and I said "Joe. You know that I'm married." and had that note thrusted right back at him. He did the whole stutter "ORLY...Oh, uh, I uh, forgot." and took his stupid note. Then I just turned and walked away. SUCKA! It felt SO good to do that.

Moral of the story: If some man thinks he has swagger and it makes you throw up in your mouth every time you think about it, just stick it to him. He'll respect you.


{[And if he doesn't after that, there is always the beautiful restraining order. :-P]}