Deep, dark, hole.

This past month has been one of the biggest struggles I've faced.  And it's for a reason that you will probably read and think is completely lame and invalid.  So lame, that I'm almost embarrassed to even blog about this crap.  But whatever.  This is my blog, and if it's on my mind and I'm struggling, I can do what I want!

I mentioned going gluten free in December.  The only reason I did it was because in August, I started having this horrible acid reflux.  It was so bad that I spent a month sleeping sitting up in my bed, propped up by pillows.  At one point I even used our son's Boppy pillow around my neck for support.  I had a bad choking sensation in my throat that would last for hours, or sometimes literally all day long.  I was in misery.  Of course, I went to the Dr., thinking they'd give me something that would completely fix it, but that didn't happen.  My Dr. gave me a prescription for the reflux that did nothing.  Then, she sent me to the G.I. doctor.  She was a really nice doctor, but I tried 5 different prescriptions, and nothing fixed my problem.  Taking pill after pill and still feeling like shit day after day wasn't what I expected.  I've always thought I was the epitome of good health, so this was a huge punch to the gut.  Not only was I dealing with this physical garbage, but I still had the responsibility of teaching my kids (who are homeschooled), caring for our baby, and running our household.  I noticed if I ate certain things, it made my reflux a lot worse. I had to cut chocolate, salsa, tomato based things, and my ultimate favorite thing- Dunkin Donuts iced coffee.  Those coffees to me are like crack.  If I was stressed, I'd stop by my local coffee pot and get a medium sized caramel iced latte, or a butter pecan iced latte.  OMG... Butter Pecan Latte.  Where else can I find such pleasure?. I remember the sweetness of the flavored syrups and the cold beads of water on my plastic DD cup as I took my first sip through the straw.  I literally lost 10 lbs in the course of giving all of that up, and frankly,  I don't give a damn how many calories were in those- I'd rather have the 10lbs on me and me drinking my addiction drink!  They made me feel happy when I was having a crappy day, and comforted when I was feeling down or distressed.  Whatever. I was about to say I know this sounds crazy, but nix that--- it's just totally Honey-Boo Boo- American.

Well, I guess I need to skip ahead to get to the point.  My G.I. doc couldn't help me.  She told me I'll likely have this reflux my entire life.  I remember the car ride home, calling my mom with tears in my eyes, feeling totally defeated.   Here I thought there was some quick fix for the mirage of symptoms I'd been having, and hearing that I might have to keep going through the next however-many years of my life feeling like I'm choking on something was enough to really start bringing on the depression. 

I cut the gluten out of my diet after a friend of mine was telling me how wheat is an inflammatory and hard for our system to digest.  At first, I felt the gluten free diet was stressful, but I soon realized I could still make many things as long as I changed up a few ingredients and checked labels.  I could still make certain sweets that I crave by buying mixes or changing up the flours (Flours is plural because with gluten-free, you're using 2-6 different flours).  It was expensive, buying this ingredients, but I figured if it was just me maybe we could swing it.  The GF diet didn't stop my reflux, as I had hoped, although after   a few weeks.   So, after a few times of bitching on Facebook about my sufferings, a friend told me about this new doctor who is a nutritionist and chiro.  She uses a technique called the Nutritional Release Testing and it establishes ALL the areas in your body that are suffering, which end up causing a conga line of problems over the years.  Such as my reflux, perhaps.

This friend of mine was diagnosed with GERD before finding Dr. Palmer and seeking treatment from her.  The treatments, though they can be difficult, worked on her, and she no longer suffers with those nasty GERD symptoms.  She doesn't have to take those antacids, either, which can cause a lot of harm to your body over the years.  (Just google it... you'll see).  The healing remedies start with daily consumption of whole food supplements targeting the specific area of the body that is ailing, to bring healing, but it also includes major dietary changes.   No processed foods, and no sugar.  They even consider honey to be a sugar that they don't want you consuming.  Well, I use to be REALLY big into baking.  It's just something I've always enjoyed doing.  Just when I thought that the gluten thing didn't look so dim, along comes more challenges for me. 

In some ways, I feel like I've lost part of my identity, because I was always into baking from scratch.... yummy treats for my kids....baking WITH my kids.  It's just a part of who I am.  I love the pretty pictures of the retro mamas with their aprons tied around their tiny little waists, holding a plate of cookies out to their kids.  But now I'm searching, like trying to figure out which way to go.  Everyone has an opinion, including the doctors.  Everyone has their angle.  It's just been tough to find what I CAN do without making me feel like I'm missing our or being punished.   My middle son was also tested by Dr. Palmer, and has many food sensitivities and allergies that will have to be addressed, and diets changed for his healing.  And this kid loves sweets (like his mama). 
 
One day at a time.

It's 2014!

I can't even remember my last post on this thing, but let's cut the crap- this is like free therapy. I can blah, blah, blah about pretty much anything I want to and don't have to pay $75 after my hour of ranting. So I'm probably gonna try to make this more of a regular thing before all of my close friends check out on me or throw me into a mental ward. {Don't get any ideas.} I can't believe last year is over and it's a new year! What has happened in all this despondent time?

  1. We sold our house & moved back to our old city near Super Target and the mall. It's like Christmas every day.

2. Our baby boy, Chase, turned 1!!! He had a sock monkey party with all the glory. Pics to come.

3. I homeschool our big boys now... No more of that common core crap. Don't get me started. It'll just end up as a small novel. {I'll go into more deets later.}

4. We celebrated 10 years of mawwiage... It's what beings us toogevah toodey.

5. I started going gluten free {5 weeks ago} due to some health issues that started up a few months ago.

Homeschooling has been a really big change. I've got both boys home, grades 3 & 1. The main reason we decided to homeschool is because our oldest has been deemed "ADD" and he truly needs the one-on- one teaching. He can't focus in school and I'm apt to putting him on meds. The hardest part is that I have the baby, who needs a lot of attention, so every day for me is a constant juggling game. The original stress took a toll on my health as I developed bad acid reflux that would last all day. I'm going to a chiropractor/naturalist Dr. This week to see if we can't get my body healed up. But despite the hardship and the daily challenges, instill feel certain that having the boys home is the right thing to do. S much has changed in schools and I'm not a fan. The common core teaching methods are a struggle for the kids and parents alike. I'm happy to be in a new neighborhood with BOYS for my kids to play with, but the neighbors have been a little harder to deal with. I still baked them all Christmas cookies, so there. I plan on having a vow renewal. That will also be another entry so I can go on and on about that. And gluten free isn't so bad....but I do feel restricted from going out to eat with my family. Also the new Dr I'll bed deign is amply against consuming sugar since it's an inflammatory. So this should be interesting. Ta-ta.

The Precious Things

I saw a video someone posted on Facebook of an 8 month old baby, who received a Cochlear implant, being able to hear for the first time, and I've posted it below.  

His precious, innocent reaction was priceless and beautiful. 

My kids are out of state right now for the next two weeks spending time with their grandparents up north.  This is their first trip away from mommy & daddy.  I would have gone with them, but the baby still requires a lot and I knew it would be a hard road trip.  I just wanted the kids to enjoy their summer and to have some special time with grandma & grandpa, being spoiled. 

The first day they were gone, it felt like a mini-vacation.  Chase & I hung out and I watched three movies and grabbed sushi for dinner.  I only did one load of laundry that day and touched nothing more.  But when day two rolled around, it was a little too quiet for comfort.   It's so amazing how kids can make you want to pull your hair out and run from your house screaming like a mob of zombies are chasing you, but when they're gone for a while, you miss having them around.   A few mom's have commented on how wonderful this break must be for me and how I must be enjoying every minute of it, but the truth is, I miss my kids!  I've been a full-time mom for the last 8 years.  I've been blessed with the ability to stay home with my babies and raise them up, so I'm assuming why it's difficult to go throughout my day without them here.   Although my 7 month old keeps me busy on his persistent schedule, I've been so accustomed to doing things a certain way with my big boys, that having them around has left me feeling bored and lonely.   I miss the fighting noise, and the energy they bring to our home.  I miss their hugs and their excitement over little things.  I miss hearing my front door open and slam from them running in and out.... *sigh*

I actually feel like it's been somewhat of a blessing in disguise because it's given me a break AND more perspective.  Perspective of what my future holds, when my kids grow up and are all-the-more independent.  When they might not *want* to do things as a family because they'd rather go out with their friends, or when the time comes that they eventually move out and go away to college.  I know that those years are still far off, but the last 8 years have gone by so fast, that I'm anticipating the next 8 to do the same.   I'm grateful that I can stop and realize that times passes by so quickly, and the biggest calling and job at this time is to love my kids with all my heart, and to cherish and guide them as they grow. 

I'm also homeschooling this school year {first time EVERRRRR!}, and this makes me even more so excited so have this time with them.  It won't last forever. 

Here's the link that brought tears of joy to my eyes. 

Baby Boy Hears His Mom's Voice for the 1st Time

Postpartum: TheFun Stuff

He's Here!!! {My Birth Center Experience}

It's been so long since I've made a post! And that is because I have been incredibly, over-the-top busy with my NEW BABY!!! :)

Our baby was overdue by 8 days.  He was due November 16th, but November 16th came & went with no baby.  Because I used midwives, and wanted to be as natural as possible, I avoided any internal exams to see if I was dialated or had any action going on.  I just wanted to enjoy the end of my pregnancy since my husband was getting a vasectomy after our baby boy was born.  Baby "C", as we called him, still did not have his name permanently chosen.  He was either going to be Chase or Channing... I had created an adorable "C" letter that hung on the wall above his crib (which I will show pics of later!), so we knew it would be one of the two names.  Danny was the one who really liked Channing & it had been his suggestion, and I had been in favor of Chase since I was just a few weeks along in my pregnancy.  If Baby C had been a girl, he would have been Aubree Quinn.  But alas, there was a penis.  So, no Aubree.  Instead, toward the last few weeks of the pregnancy, Danny said he really liked the name Andrew and wanted to go with Chase Andrew.  We kind of still kept it to ourselves to decide which name would truly be his after he was born. 

Thanksgiving morning:  My midwife, Maggie, had me meet her at the Deland Birth Center for a non-stress test.  We had received an odd report from the sonogram I had the evening prior and she wanted to make sure things were looking good.  At the sonogram, he was still and not really responding to the prodding and shaking from the sonographer, but at the non-stress test, he was kicking & punching away.  Probably from the excitement of knowing he was to be born in that gorgeous, peaceful, historical home and not JUST that- but he was going to be the FIRST baby born in their new birth center! :)  (Yes, I am a proud, proud mommy!)  At the end of the non-stress test, Maggie gave me two little glass vials that had crystalized black cohosh.  She told me to alternate them all day and that they could kick-start labor for me.  They looked and tasted like little sugar crystals.  I spent Thanksgiving at home with my wonderful boys and husband, alternating these crystals each hour. Thanksgiving was really nice.  It was actually our FIRST Thanksgiving at home.  Normally, we've gone to be with friends, as I don't prefer being alone on Holidays.  Holidays are meant to spend with your loved ones!  But, this turned out fine.  I decorated our table a little bit and we enjoyed a pre-cooked meal from Publix.  It was actually not too shabby and I was happy I was able to enjoy a huge dinner, because....

I woke up on Black Friday at 6:30 a.m. with a contraction.  They were here.  The cohosh had worked. Baby C was ready to come! I tried to stir Danny, but he was hard to wake up, so I just got up and started preparing.  My contractions started out at 6 1/2 minutes apart, but very quickly escalated to 5 minutes apart. I sent Maggie a text to let her know my contractions had begun, and she told me to meet her at the birth center around 10 a.m.  I decided to try to relax in the bath while I waited it out.  During each contraction, I found myself frozen, having to stop whatever it was I was in the middle of to deal with the cramping.  I climbed into the bathtub, hoping that the hot water would help them feel less intense, but as each minute passed by they became MORE intensified.  I called midwife Maggs from inside the bathtub during a contraction, and asked her in so-many-words, if this was going to get worse.  After hearing me labor, she said forget about 10 a.m.! She was on her way & wanted me to head to the birth center as well.  I felt a little frantic as I realized the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and I needed to grab things and have someone here to keep my older kids.  I think Danny was in some sort of daze, too, almost like he wasn't sure what to do first.  We called my Grandma, who lives 25 minutes away, and told her so that she could be on her way to keep our big boys.  But since we didn't have time to wait, we contacted our next-door neighbors.  Man, I love my neighbors.  In just minutes, Matt (from next door), was at our door to get our kids.  And at this point, anytime a contraction would come, I would have to drop to the floor on my hands and knees to breathe through it.  Even though I was in pain, I felt relief knowing my kids were safe and we could focus on getting me to the birth center.  

 

 

 

 The Tree of Life Deland Birth Center is about 25 minutes from our home, and as roomy as I thought my Pathfinder was, the drive there proved to be much harder than I had anticipated.  Every contraction that came (about 3-4 minutes apart), I would squirm and grab onto whatever I could get to try to get through the pain.  I remember crying out "I can't sit like this! I can't sit like this!" over and over again during contractions.  At one point, I tried to turn myself around, knees down on the floor of the SUV and my head on the seat, but due to my overdue baby belly, it was basically impossible.  I just had to suffer sitting uncomfortably on the front seat, squirming in pain, and wondering what people thought as we passed them in the lanes.   I seriously think they should sell a sign at BabiesRUs for mom's who are in labor to attach to their cars!  "CAUTION: MOM IN LABOR!"  or  something clever like that so you can throw on your hazards and speed! :)

When we got to the birth center, I felt SO relieved.  Maggie and Rhonda (the Doula) were waiting, and they escorted us in.  Rhonda was filling the birthing pool with hot water, and Maggie took some vitals.  The rest of the day was a serious blur for me.  I don't remember how long it was before I got into the tub; it only felt like minutes to me, but I know it had to have been longer.  Every contraction that came, I was full force in labor mode, focusing on breathing and getting through it, so everything around me stood still.   {L: my birth room}


When I got into the tub, I felt that the warm water helped a little bit, but if I even allowed the intensity of the contraction pain to alter my breathing techniques, I would be in a WORLD of pain.  I would grab Danny's legs and moan and cry.   He was sitting in front of me the entire time, and every time a contraction would come, I would moan and squeeze his hand, and just pant, trying to continue to make myself breathe slowly.   I saw the documentary "The Business of Being Born" (which I HIGHLY recommend!) prior to having Chase, and I remember inwardly cringing at the women in labor who were moaning and making all these crazy noises.  I would never do *those* things.  How embarrassing, right?  WRONG.   I naturally started doing those things during natural labor; the slow, low moaning sounds actually help you get through the contractions.  If I didn't do them, it felt awful.   Anyway, enough about that.  Let's get to the GOOD part...

This was the birth tub I labored in

After a few hours in the tub (which again, felt like an hour tops), Maggie suggested I get out.  As I slowly took baby steps into the room to the bed I'd be delivering on, I could no longer walk, so I dropped down to the floor again.  Then, that was even unbearable, so Maggie suggested I lie on the bed.  No sooner did I get up there, lying on my side, squeezing a pillow, the next contraction came.  I felt this POP and a trickle of fluid, and I yelled "Something's happening!"    With the next contraction, there was a huge pop and gush of water came shooting out. And I mean SHOOTING!  And seriously- that was IT.  Maggie came running over and it was on like no body's business.   I felt the baby drop down with that huge gush, and there was tremendous pressure; nothing like I had ever experienced before with the epidurals I had used with my labor for my older boys.  I just started pushing, and he was born 15 minutes later.  He was sunny-side up, instead of down, which made it harder, but we did it.  And here he is!

Chase Andrew
9lbs 7 oz
22 inches long



A day old

With Daddy <3





I so CUTE!



Sock Money Love

D.I.Y. "Keep Calm.." Nursery Art

 When I first started scouring the internet looking for inspirational nursery decor ideas, of course I hit up Pinterest {like a boss} the most, Pottery Barn Kids, and a fantastic website called Project Nursery. I pretty much searched for ideas I loved that I could copycat.  Pinterest is where I began seeing these "KEEP CALM" diddies, and honestly at first, I didn't 'get' them.  

But then my eye caught a few clever ones, like "KEEP CALM & EAT CUPCAKES" or "KEEP CALM & LOVE BUNNIES"  

Okay, whatever, I'll admit it- I STILL don't totally get it, but they are becoming more whimsical and funny to me, so I started thinking of an idea that could be funny/whimsical/ironic/humerous to put in our baby's nursery.  {Believe me when I say that I think we will all appreciate the tidbit of humor when we're up with our infant son for the third time in the wee hours of the morning!}  This is my own lil' concoction I came up with ~

I'll totally be making these as gifts, as you can presonalize them any way you'd like {IMO- the funnier, the better!} and frame them up.

My lil' pumpkin{s}

Halloween:  I've been pregnant twice through Halloween, this being the third time.  With that said, I have never sported my baby belly before, and it's something I've always wanted to do!  So, this round, I done did it!  I painted a pumpkin on my lil' pumpkin!  It was interesting to do because I free-handed it by looking into a mirror to see what I was doing.  It was almost like painting backwards, but it turned out really cute.  I sported it when we took the kids out trick or treating.  I had one group of women take a photo of my belly & ask me if it was real, to which my husband replied "Yeah, and I helped!" ;) It really was the cutest thing since sliced bread... or pumpkin pie!



My sweet, little family :)